You struck fear in the thoughts of would-be students, but only in an effort to stir the mind and inspire the heart.

You imposed strict discipline within and around the four corners of the classroom, but only to prepare your children for the harsh realities of life that lay beyond graduation.

You pushed, shoved and forced your students to perform even when it meant doing away with sugarcoated pills and honey-glazed syringes.

Even when it started to hurt.

Even when it seemed unfair to some of us who failed to realize.

But you were the real deal.

You embodied everything a mentor should be: a motivator, mother, teacher and friend.

You made us proud to have been part of your system.

And deep inside, we do hope that we did you proud as well.

Thank you, Ma’am Julian. We shall meet again on the other side. Until then, you will remain fondly remembered, revered and loved.

Yours truly,

cTHiScience ∞

I just stood behind her.

Plastic bags filled with vegetables and what-not’s in tow, I followed her around as she sorted out clothes in one of those ukay-ukay stores in the market.

My knees were starting to fail. My Nikes weren’t doing their job. My arms feel as if they’ve gained an inch or two in length.

It was like revisiting elementary school. Just for biting down on a cracker in class, I was made to stand in a corner for the rest of the period. That was for the first offense. For the second offense, you’d have to squat on the floor. For the third? I don’t know. I never got past the second. Although I pretty much think the third penalty would be something like this.

I grunted as I adjusted the bags to let some blood flow to my fingers.

“Okay ka lang?” she asked with concern.

“Yep. Sige lang.” I replied with a smile.

“Sure?”

“Oo. I’m okay.”

Don’t get me wrong. She doesn’t let me carry her stuff if she can do so on her own. In fact, we even argue over who should carry what – which almost always ends with us splitting the cargo even.

“Daan din tayo sa Harrison…” she coyly suggested.

“Ha?”

“Sige, hintayin mo na lang ako dito...” She had one of those twinkles in her eye.

“Oo na, sige, halika na.”

She’s addictively sly.

We walk a good distance to Harrison Road where there’s another ukay store. Over and over again I ask myself, why don’t we go around stores first before going to the market? Then I realize: we don’t really plan days like this. It’s more of a “spontaneous-turn-of-events” that starts out as a regular trip to the market and ends as the Iron Man Challenge.

We live each day like this. Spontaneous. I live for days like this. Alive.

See, I don’t care where we go or what we do whenever we’re together. It’s the little things – things we normally take for granted – that matter. From making faces to make a baby in a bus laugh to enjoying a cup of free coffee, the little things form the foundation for the bigger ones; something like glue holding your shoes together.

This is what I learned: You don’t have to go all out every time. Just sit back and relax. The universe will unfold itself before you in God’s own sweet time. Be content with the thought that you are NOT in control of how the earth spins and there’s Someone up there Who is – and that He always has YOU in mind. It feels good to be on the driver’s seat most times, but it feels great if there’s someone who’s willing to switch with you. Don’t be too serious; life is too precious to be wasted on worrying about things we don’t have control over. Live your life one day at a time, giving due regard and preparation for the future. It will come whether you like it or not, but moments wasted worrying about it will be lost forever. Ask for seconds. Nobody can judge you for getting a second serving of something good. Love much and hate less. There’s nothing like waking up the next morning with a smile.

I’ll have to carry these bags a little longer. So what? It’s not like the world will be caving in if I don’t. After all, it’s not what I’m carrying that matters – it’s who I’m carrying them with. I find myself enjoying every minute spent walking around, following her through a crowd and standing by, watching as she beams with joy as she picks up a choice find.

“Oo, bagay mo. Ang cute n’yan.”

She smiles. And everything’s right with the universe again.

Hindi naman talaga ako manunulat. Minsan lang may mga naiisip ako na gusto ko maalala pagkatapos ng isang taon.

Sa wikang Tagalog ako nagsusulat. Oo, “Tagalog.” Hindi “Filipino.” Dahil isa akong Tagalog (Batanguenio eh!) at iyon ang tunay na naglalarawan sa aking pagkatao. Sa aking pagiging Tagalog, naging Pilipino ako. Hindi ko dinadaan sa aking citizenhip (‘censya na. Di ko alam ang Tagalog n’un eh.) ang pagiging tao ko kundi sa kung ano ang dugo ko. Naguguluhan ka ba? Ako rin.

Huli ako’ng sumulat bago ang Halalan ’10 (salamat, ABS-CBN). Bago iyon, isang taon yata ang lumipas (aba malay ko, hindi ko naman tiningnan ang huling entry bago ko inumpisahan ‘to) Kung hindi ako ginising ng mabuti kong kaibigang si Xet ay malamang puro status updates lang ang nagagawa ko sa Facebook hanggang ngayon.

Masarap din pala magsulat. Pwede mo sabihin ang lahat ng ideya mo, mga opinyon at saloobin mo – at walang epal na sisingit habang nagsasalita ka.

***

Nabuhay ako nang mag-isa. Masarap ang pakiramdam. Malaya. Dedesisyunan mo ang bawat galaw mo. Responsibilidad mo ang sarili mo. At sweldo mo ang bubuhay sa’yo. Kahit tapsilog ang bumuhay sa’kin ng dalawang linggo ayos lang; ako lang naman ang damay.

Yun nga. Ako lang. Malaya nga, mag-isa naman. At habang natitikman mo ang pait ng lipunan, mag-isa mo rin itong titiisin. At kahit na may Sun Cellular na mag-uugnay sa iyo at sa pamilya mo, ang puno’t dulo nito ay mag-isa ka pa ring uuwi.

***

Naka-“pause” pa rin ang buhay ko. Hindi kasi ako pinalad. Hindi ko alam kung bakit; “Huwag muna,” sabi siguro ni Lord.

Sa ngayon, hindi naman inatras ni Justice Carpio-Morales ang two-examiner rule. So 16 pa rin pala kayo. (Sa ‘kin lang, kahit 32 or 64 pa kayo, wala akong pakialam!) Nakakainis lang dahil kasama pa rin ang VAT sa coverage.

***

Ikinasal ang isa sa mga pinakamabuti kong kaibigan noong May 22, 2010. Dalawa na ang ikinasal sa barkada at *sana* babae naman ang susunod.

Parang mini-reunion ng barkada ang kasal. Kahit kulang kami, masaya pa rin. Kwentuhan, kulitan, asaran. Seryosohan.

Tumatanda na pala kami. Noong 1997 lang eh parang napakalaking isyu na ‘pag may ka-relasyon ka. Noong 2007, bawal muna mag-asawa dahil bata ka pa. Ngayon, parang sila pa ang nagtutulak sa ‘yo para magpakasal.

Sabi ko nga, seryosohan na. Pamilyahan na. Pero di tulad noon, hindi na ganoon kasimple ‘yun ngayon. Hindi ka na gagawa ng desisyon ayon sa “kilig” mo. Hindi ka na mamimili ng gusto mo ayon sa hitsura o ayon sa dikta ng barkada mo. Pag-iisipan mo rin ang katayuan nito sa buhay – trabaho, pamilya, ugali, relihiyon. Pag-iisipan mo na rin kung paano ninyo bubuhayin ang mga sarili ninyo. Po-problemahin mo kung ilang anak ang gusto mo at kung saan kayo titira, kung gaano kalaki ang bahay at kung ilang kwarto’t banyo ang mayroon dito. Dedesisyunan ninyo kung kukuha ba kayo ng yaya o hihiling na magulang ang tumayong tagapangalaga.

Magulo. Pero nakakakilig pa rin.

***

Baka mapadalas na ang pagsulat ko. Siguro lang.