Nakahanap ako ng paraan para kumita ng pera.

Mag i-introduce ako ng produkto sa mercado – kahit ano’ng produkto – at tatawagin ko ito’ng “BRAND X”.

Kapag may mga advertisements na ikukumpara ang kanilang mga produkto sa BRAND X, e.g. NIDO Full Cream Milk vs. BRAND X, idedemanda ko sila for unfair competition and damages. Habang tumatagal, ie-expand ko ang production ko para sa 25 pa na produkto: Brands A-Z. Humanda kayo.

What’s with us Pinoys and love teams?

Nakakita lang ng artistang babae na may kausap na artistang lalaki, gagawan na ng intriga. (HEADLINE: Mr. Actor, may pag-asa nga ba sa puso ni Ms. Actress?) Kapag may anak ang dalawang Pinoy couples, at nagkataon naman na lalaki at babae ang mga anak nila (respectively), palaging ico-consider na magkakatuluyan ang dalawa. Kawawang mga bata.

We Pinoys have the constant need to reaffirm our identity to the world over and over again. Kapag may foreign celebrity na bumisita dito sa Pilipinas, ang mga palaging tinatanong eh, “How do you find the Philippines?”, “Do you like it here in the Philippines?”, “How do you find the Filipino people?”, “Would you like to make a movie in the Philippines?” at ang pinaka-kilig na tanong, “Would you consider marrying / dating a Filipino?” (with reference to the previous topic, re: love teams). Siyempre dapat palaging positive ang sagot niya kasi kung hindi eh kukuyugin siya ng taong bayan at idedeclare siyang persona non grata. Automatically, galit na tayo sa bansang pinanggalingan niya at magiging political issue ito. Magrarally ang mga aktibista. Siyempre may papapel na senador. Tapos mage-enact ang Congress ng batas ukol dito.

Mukhang obsessed pa rin ang mga Pilipino sa pagpasok sa Guinness Book of Records. Magtitipon-tipon ang isanlibong nangungulangot para matanggap ang titulong “Highest number of nose pickers ever assembled in the world”.

Masyado rin possessive ang Pinoy. Kapag may isang sikat na celebrity na may ginawang kababalaghan (read: accomplishment), at kahit na .025% lang ang Filipino blood nito, aangkinin na natin, iimbitahin sa Pilipinas, ipaparada sa Malacanang at bibigyan ng award. Usually bibigyan pa ng movie opportunity tapos magiging napakalaking problema sa showbiz world kung sino ang makakatambal niya. (Swerte ni Nicole, si Manny ang leading-man niya). Kung malaki ang possibility na sumikat ito, magrerelease pa ito ng album na magpa-platinum in a few weeks’ time. Mas papansinin pa ang mga ito kaysa ang mga high school students na pumunta ng Iran para lumahok sa quiz bee habang iniiwasan ang mga nagliliparang mga bala.

Obsessed din ang Pilipino sa nutrients. Kulang na lang pati vetsin eh lagyan ng Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin B12 at Omega-5.

Lalo pang obsessed ang Pilipino sa camera. Kapag may nakatayong video camera ang ABS-CBN sa kalsada at nandoon ang reporter, gagawin talaga ng mga tao ang lahat para makita sa camera at kakaway pa. Kakaway pa rin ang mga ito kahit may nakabulagtang patay sa kalsada o nasusunog ang mga bahay sa likod. Tapos magtetext ang mga ito, sasabihin sa kaibigan nila, “pare! Nood ka XXX sa sabado, makikita mo ako!” (Guilty.)

Kawawa din ang mga artista dito. Madapa ka lang sa mall eh nasa headline na ng diyaryo at sa TV ang pangalan mo. Tapos kapag hindi mo pinansin ang isang artista sa isang public function, conclusive presumption agad na may away kayo. Tapos matutuklasan na lang ng bayan na sinulot mo pala yung GF nung isa noong 1998.

Ang hirap bumuo ng sariling identity ang mga starting Pinoy artists. Palagi tayong may “Josh Groban of the Philippines”, “Pussycat Dolls of the Philippines”, at kung anu-ano pang “…of the Philippines”. Hindi ka kikilalanin kapag hindi mo ibinase sa pangalan ng iba ang pangalan mo.

Philippine telenovelas are classics. If they are not based on foreign soaps or sitcoms, they are painfully predictable. When the US comes up with a new superhero gig, expect Philippine media to come up with a “Filipino version”.

Ang pinaka-common na plot ng telenovela ay:

1. Dalawang babae / lalaki, pinag-aawayan ang isang lalaki / babae.
2. Palaging magkaaway sa umpisa yung love team or yung dalawang main characters.
3. Usually mayaman sila. Kung hindi, mahirap ang isa. Basta palaging may isang mayaman.
4. Kahit 15 years old lang yung star, basta bida, may sariling kotse yan.
5. Palaging may nagwa-walk out.
6. Kung may “twist” daw sa plot, at kung grabeng pagmamalaki ang ginawa ng producers sa twist na ito, siguradong stupid yung twist.
7. Sa bandang huli, mamamatay ang tatay / nanay / kapatid / asawa / anak / alaga ng bida.
8. Tapos bigla na lang matutuklasan ng buhay pala yung namatay sa #7 at may amnesia na.

Basta may patalastas ng alak, palaging may naka-bikini. Yun lang.

Yung patalastas ng roof sealant (nakalimutan ko na yung brand) na palaging pinapakita noong laban ni Pacquiao at Hatton, may babaeng nagpapacute, ala-90’s R-Rated movie. The connection? Beats me.

Early morning news have the same content: bangaan sa EDSA, bumangga sa MMDA concrete barrier, sunog, baha, nag-amok, nangholdap, then a buttload of showbiz news. Good morning.

Oh yeah, when Barbara Streisand’s dog gets a tongue piercing, expect it to be on the evening news. And that’s part of the news that they allegedly gather “sa loob ng beinte-quatro oras… saan man… sa mundo.”

At bago sila magpaalam kapag tapos na ang news, ang haba ng speech nila bago magroll ang credits. (Ito ang mga balitang nakalap sa isang araw na pakikipagsapalaran… mga balitang angkop sa pang araw-araw na buhay… upang maging kaginha-ginhawa ang inyong panonood… mag-ingat sa pagsakay ng LRT… kami ang may hawak ng katotohanan… abangan bukas ang aming muling pagbabalita…blah blah blah…)

They got this and that with a rattle attack;
Testing, one, two... man, what you gonna do?
Bad news, misused, got too much to lose...
Gimme some truth, now whose side are we on?

Whatever you say;
Turn on the boob tube, I'm in the mood to obey;
So lead me astray... and by the way now;
Where'd all the good people go?

Love is like bird poop. It hits you when you when you least expect it.

The usual thing that you hear is about someone trying to decide when it is time to let go. But the more important question that must be considered is that, when is it the right time to hold on?

Wanting to stop loving someone is like flushing a toilet. No matter how many times you flush it down, something always manages to stay behind.

These days, people are more concerned with giving up than holding on. Relationships fail. Marriages fall apart. Children stray away from their families. It’s because giving up is much easier to do and no one will actually blame you for letting go. It’s just like diarrhea. Everybody sees how bad it is – but no one would really blame you for it. But the issue still stays – like the stain and the stink that sticks on your behind when you go in public.

Holding on takes more courage than you know. Holding on means that you are willing to move forward despite the things you’ve gone through.

Holding on is like driving a beat up Oldsmobile. It may die down on you at times, but it’s all you got to get you home.

Loving out of convenience is never right. You don’t love someone just because it makes you feel good. You don’t commit to someone just because you get the better end of the deal. You love for the purpose of making another feel good – giving them the better end of the deal. When you love, you give yourself without expecting anything in return.

Jealousy is like a shower room. Someone always complains when someone else has a bigger set.

Not that size matters, that's off the subject. Jealousy is basically 90% selfishness. I say 90% because I still believe that there is a justifiable reason for that remaining 10%. Although feeling overwhelmed by the not-so-jolly-green-giant is quite normal, there comes a time when it spirals out of control and that you should pull the plug on it - if you can find it. It's perfectly fine to feel jealous when some other guy sends your girl flowers. Heck, it's normal to feel jealous when your man remembers your best friend's birthday and forgets yours. But when jealousy pops in its big, green, ugly head whenever your man (or woman) mentions a girl name, then there's definitely something wrong with this picture. When you become this jealous, you've reached a point where you want your partner to conform to a certain standard that suits your convenience. This jealousy has long ceased to be righteous, if this is the case. This, my friend, ceases to be jealousy. It evolves entirely into selfishness.

Loving is like giving a liver transplant. You give a part of yourself to make someone else feel good.

So does that mean that you just keep on giving without expecting anything in return?

Heck no.

We are incapable of giving perfect, selfless love. In the entire course of history, God was the only One Who was capable of doing that. What we can do, on the other hand, is that which is simply close to being perfect.

When you give, don’t expect something in return. When you are reciprocated, be grateful. If not, don’t be bitter. This is the only principle you should remember in the process of loving someone. Look forward to reciprocation, but don’t expect it. What’s the difference, you ask?

Looking forward to reciprocation is like a girl excited to get married.

Expecting reciprocation is like a girl going all out to buy the dress.

The difference between looking forward to reciprocation and expecting it is how your emotions will be whether or not reciprocation arrives. Whether or not your man (or woman) appreciates, affirms or reciprocates your feelings is of no consequence – you love that person nonetheless. That is the selfless, unconditional love that we are capable of giving.

But of course, there is a time when you should go on and replace your toilet when it refuses to flush everything down.

In this case, flushing isn’t the problem – the toilet is.

There will always come a time when you should stop because you’re already starting to look like some donkey missing his (or her) zebra.

You must also know how to tell when reciprocation or affirmation will arrive. And by all that is right in this world, you should stop when there is an obvious indication of a lack of reciprocity or affirmation. This is obvious when your woman (or man), despite everything you’ve done, still gives all her attention to everyone else around her – except you. This is obvious when your man (or woman) is a completely different person with you than with others – and it turns out after all that he (or she) is an entirely better person when with them.

When this time comes, then it’s time to let go. Bring on the baby wipes.

Ang daming taong naghahanap ng pag-ibig, samantalang ang dami ng mga taong nagtatapon nito.

Ang daming taong handang ibigay ang lahat para sa iyo, samantalang ang taong mahal mo, ni laway hindi kayang isuko para sa iyo.

Welcome back to puberty.

Happy February!

Love.

Fine. A lot of people hesitate to write about this subject for the simple reason that they feel unqualified to write on the topic. But then again, who is?

So February’s almost done. March is coming and there’s really nothing left to look forward to except Easter Sunday, maybe – then comes dreaded September.

So I’m done with my Bagahe saga, for the reason that I don’t have excess baggage anymore.

What I have now is some excess thinking. People say I think too much and I don’t beg to disagree.

So comes the slumbook part: What is love?

I won’t be telling you what love is; rather, I’ll be telling you HOW it is.

Love is taking time to give your dogs kibble when you’re already five minutes late for work.

Love is putting up with your Mom’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies to clean up when she shouldn’t have to.

Love is waking up early every weekend to wash and wax the car just so your Dad will enjoy taking it down the driveway.

Love is waiting for one and a half hours for your Dad just so he could have someone to talk to on that fifteen-minute drive home.

Love is putting aside a crucial project for a few minutes just so your nephew can go around your office taking things and stuffing them down his pockets.

Love is getting up early in the morning so you can let out your cat – lest he pee on the rug again and mew the day away.

Love is sitting for two hours while your sister pours out her heart’s frustrations without you saying a single word.

Love is slapping yourself on the face just so you wouldn’t doze off while driving because the rest of your family is sound asleep.

Love is having the strength to resist kicking someone else’s behind just to vindicate a legal right.

Love is being capable to feel happy for your sister when she starts dating your bitter enemy.

Love is not minding when your favorite drink goes missing from the fridge.

Love is trying to be interested in the things people you care about are interested in.

Love is lying still and letting your girlfriend prick out your whiteheads even though it hurts like hell when she does that.

Love is enduring a week’s worth of allergies just so your wife can go shopping with you.

Love is busting a move with your girlfriend although it’s quite clear that you were not made for dancing.

Love is eating what has been prepared for dinner although it looks – and tastes – weird.

Love is taking the extra mile to prepare just so your team won’t have to get grilled by the judge – although it usually happens anyway.

Love is resisting the urge to judge when there is a strong temptation to do so.

Love is being strong enough to say no even when someone you care about wants it so badly.

Here we are.

Mortals roaming a planet we call ours; surviving in a country we call home. Here in the land where those who have more in life have more in law, and those who have less – or nothing – in life have less in law. But the proverbial rule is the opposite, and indeed even those who have more in life can experience an injustice so blatantly putrid that you can’t help but think about killing someone.

But then again, we are not like them. And I think: why can’t I be? Even for once? Just for that one opportunity where I can challenge the scum of society and finally have an excuse to pull the trigger of my 12 gauge against his head and do this world a favor by ridding it of the real garbage that pollutes our way of life?

But I can’t. And it’s because of that rule that those who kill by the sword shall die by the sword. And in my case, those who kill with a Remington 12 gauge Police Magnum shall die by the barrel of that same glorious rifle. And because of the sad fact that even those who are supposed to uphold the law and its noble intentions are the ones who corrupt and twist it to cater to the interests of those whom they serve.

For where else in the universe does one lawyer cause the release of a suspect – who later turns out to be a fugitive – to the extent of knowingly distorting the facts in the guise of being vigilant to protect the rights of his client? And where else in the universe does a servant of the people, the counsel of the nation, also knowingly distort the facts and circumstances attending the case in order to favor that same suspect?

Only here. In this place we call home.

And indeed, when the suspect was released, justice was denied. When the very person who had the capability to cause his arrest was charged criminally for arbitrary detention, justice was yet again elusive. And when the investigating prosecutor downgraded the offense to a negligible one while providing a door wide enough for an acquittal, justice became a remote possibility. With the lies, the favors and the crooked desire to avoid accountability, justice did not only become a commodity - it became a privelege.

I am not a bigot.

But in this place, people of the same background watch out for each other. And indeed, our antagonist and our supposed defender are the same and regional loyalty would often prevail over reason, logic and the law itself, with the consideration that we are ourselves strangers in this land we call home. In this place, the victim became the villain. In this place, an honest man was made out of a liar, and the victim was branded as the oppressor. Even in popular entertainment, it is the poor who are always the victims. However in this case, it is the poor who is the enemy.

Where do we go from here?

We continue to fight the injustice that plagues our nation. We continue to uphold truth where it is absent. We continue to be steadfast in not becoming victims of the system we all swore to uphold and protect. And they who prey on the innocent and the weak; may they find solace and comfort in the arms of their protectors - those who will eventually betray them when their usefulness has expired.

And as for me, I only pray that this event will not turn out in such a way that I will be forced to reach out my arms and serve justice the way it should be served.

Gasoline: P1000

2 Bottles of water: P30

1 Cup of coffee: P40

2 Souvenir shirts: P300

1 Empanada: P25

1 Ukoy: P25

5 hours of being away from the city: PRICELESS